Love Isn't Knowing
by nostalgicidiot
Summary: Set at the end of 7x15  alternative ending . Written for the Huddy Secret Santa at house-cuddy @ livejournal.


_Written for the Huddy Secret Santa at house-cuddy livejournal._

_This is the prompt I chose: 3.) Set at the end of 7x15: House hands Cuddy a little jar in which he told her the tumor would be. But instead of the tumor she finds an engagement ring in it. (in this story House didn't take vicodin before he came to visit Cuddy!)_

_Julia, I think it's kinda funny that I'm your secret santa. I hope you like what I came up with and enjoy the story :3. Merry Christmas! 3_

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><p>She recognized his familiar shape as soon as she opened her eyes. Her vision was still blurry but while it startedclearing up more and more, she spotted more details that proved her right.<p>

House's gaze was still focused on her as she slightly shifted her position to get a better view on him. There were remaining traces of worry on his face, an expression that rarely appeared there. Neither of them spoke a word when her eyes were drawn to a little box that was in his hand.

"What's in there?" Cuddy asked curiously, although her voice was still a little weak.

"Your tumor."

"My tumor?" It was so typically him to hand her this sort of weird gift but Cuddy couldn't help but grin a little.

She took the small item from his hands and opened it. House studied her face during the process and she could almost feel his gaze on her.

Cuddy stared at the content of the box. She was quite sure that this thing hadn't been removed from her insides.

"House..."

When she looked at him she could sense the nervousness although he was trying to hide it. Cuddy was pretty sure that he could read it in her eyes as it was something he had always been good at. Her uncertainty.

"I understand..."

"What do you mean?" Cuddy asked a little puzzled.

"Your answer is no."

"I haven't said a word, House."

"There's no need to, I already got my answer."

She could hear the subtle hint of hurt and disappointment in his voice.

"It's not that I don't want to marry you, but I'm not sure whether we're ready for it yet."

"Well, I most definitely am."

Cuddy gave him a piercing look.

"Are you sure about it?"

"Otherwise I wouldn't have asked, would I?"

"But you're not really the committed kind of guy and we've had our ups and downs... I don't know if it's such a good idea ..."

Before Cuddy had a chance to finish her sentence, he got up and headed to the door.

"House, I was not done yet!"

"I know a 'no' when I hear it. I don't need you to tell me what kind of crappy boyfriend I obviously am."

With that he left before she could open her mouth to defend herself.

Cuddy sighed and stared at the place where he'd stood just a couple of seconds ago. The conversation had gone terribly wrong but Cuddy felt the impact of the medication and felt too exhausted to deal with it. She drifted into a restless sleep instead.

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><p>When she opened her eyes again, she noticed that she wasn't alone. For one short moment she thought that he had come back but it took her only seconds to realize that the other person in the room wasn't House.<p>

"I just bumped into House and he didn't look very happy. He never really does**,** but he looked worse than usual. And he didn't want to tell me what was wrong, of course, so I thought I'd go check on you to see if you're ok."

Cuddy smiled faintly at him before her face turned serious.

"I'm afraid I'm the reason for his current mood."

"Oh...aren't you always" he tried to joke but she interrupted him**.**

"He asked me to marry him."

Wilson stared at her in disbelief.

"And you turned him down?"

"No, well not intentionally."

"Not intentionally?"

"He left before I could explain the situation."

Wilson wanted to say something when he noticed the expression on her face and remained silent.

"I don't know if we're ready for it yet, whether he is ready for it yet."

"Has it ever occured to you that you might be the one who isn't ready?"

Cuddy looked at him.

"Isn't that what you've always wanted?"Wilson was growing a bit tired of them both.

"Well, yes but … "

"You've never considered House to be the right guy for it." He finished the sentance for her.

"That is not true!" Cuddy sounded outraged.

"I know that House isn't the easiest person to get along with and he certainly has his flaws but I've seen you together the past few months. He cares about you, Cuddy. A lot. And he wants to make this relationship work. Can you say the same thing about you?"

Before she could protest he quickly added

"Don't get me wrong, I'm not accusing you of manipulating your relationship or being less committed than he is but sometimes I get the feeling that you deliberately dismiss all the effort he is making. Because House is House"

Cuddy rolled her eyes for a second, that argument was getting kind of old

"and we both know that he will have his bad moments. Probably a lot of them. Maybe you're too scared which is totally understandable."

Wilson raised his hands defensively, he wasn't ready for her to realease her inner Medusa and eat him alive.

"I'm your friend and only trying to give you some advice. But I'm his friend, too and I don't want to see him abandoned again. I'm not sure if he could take it, I've been there before and I really don't wanna go back there."

Cuddy didn't reply.

"Just think about my words, ok?" He smiled and silently hoped she would smile too, as a sign of agreement. But she didn't do him the favor.

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><p>But she did, she couldn't get them out of her head, really. Even days later when she already had been sent home, Wilson's words were still haunting her. And she had to admit that he had had a point – she'd always thought that House would do something to screw it up sooner and later, Cuddy had focused on this thought so much that she hadn't realized how serious he was about the whole thing.<p>

All her attempts to reach him had been futile and so she had to wait for a reaction, any reaction basically. She hoped that he wasn't up to anything silly, had she been able to move properly, she would have driven to his place to make sure he was alright. But then again, Wilson was probably worried as well and would have told her if House had overdozed on his vicodin or done any similiar stupidity. She was worried nevertheless.

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><p>He came to her house one night, it was already dark outside.<p>

Cuddy sat on her couch and heard the door click shut. She straightened up and waited for him to appear in the door frame. Tension spread through her body although she tried to fight the feeling. She didn't know what to expect and just like any other person she wasn't too fond of the situation. His face was illegible as he walked towards her to sit down at the other end of the sofa.

„Wilson talked me into it coming here." He wanted to ensure she didn't think that he was going to give in this easily.

„I'm glad you came." Cuddy replied nontheless.

Before she could continue, they were interrupted by Rachel who drowsily entered the room.

When she saw House, her eyes lit up and she quickly walked in his direction. Also knowing that her mommy was hurt (though she**'**d been reassured that Cuddy would be fine soon) she crawled into House's lap instead where she announced „Bloody Scallywag!" before she wrapped her arms around him.

It was hard to tell whether House or Cuddy were more surprised about her reaction.

Although House was still visibly uncomfortable with this sudden outburst of peculiar affection, though it was a familiar one to him and the toddler, he remained in his position, allowing the little girl to lean against his chest.

It didn't take long until she fell asleep and House watched her steady breathing while her limbs loosened until her head rested in his lap and the rest of her tiny body lay outstretched on the couch.

The silence was broken by Cuddy who'd watched the entire scene.

„I was an idiot."

House hadn't expected to hear these words.

„I don't get to hear that coming from you very often. Go on."

„House, I'm serious. I've always wanted a family and it looks like I've been very thick lately. Or blind. Or maybe both. We are by no means a conventional family and we'll probably never will be. But it's the closest thing I'll ever get, I guess. I've had a lot of time to think and I'm sorry – I always thought you were the one who was afraid to commit himself but I was wrong - it was me. There's no guarantee that we can make this relationship work and we both know that we're not really good at this entire relationship thing. But I'd love to give it a try. If you haven't changed your mind."

Cuddy averted her eyes and waited for a reply. For a couple of seconds there was none and she already expected the worst when she finally heard him speak.

„Then**, **I think you should kiss your fiancé."

She looked up and smiled at him shily, scared that she might do something wrong and make him change his mind.

„I always wanna kiss you."

She got up carefully and moved into his direction.

„I know." he said before her lips met his.


End file.
